oldmud
02-21-2008, 07:27 PM
Subject: UPS
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane,* but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who* fly routinely in our* jobs.
After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form,* called a "gripe sheet,"* which* tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.* The mechanics correct* the* problems; document their repairs on the form, and* then pilots review the* gripe* sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said* that ground crews lack a* sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance* complaints submitted by* UPS '* pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded* (marked with an S) by* maintenance engineers.
By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has* never, ever, had an* accident.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute* descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That ' s what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you ' re right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and* be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one for last..................
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds* like a midget* pounding on
something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
.* ;D ::)
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane,* but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who* fly routinely in our* jobs.
After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form,* called a "gripe sheet,"* which* tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.* The mechanics correct* the* problems; document their repairs on the form, and* then pilots review the* gripe* sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said* that ground crews lack a* sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance* complaints submitted by* UPS '* pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded* (marked with an S) by* maintenance engineers.
By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has* never, ever, had an* accident.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute* descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That ' s what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you ' re right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and* be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one for last..................
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds* like a midget* pounding on
something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
.* ;D ::)